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If you value a relationship more than you value yourself, they’ll exploit that desperation.
The vulnerability likely stems from what you privately or even openly think of yourself.
It came out of left field and was completely untrue. ” and you’re thinking What the hell are they talking about? I can feel it.” Eventually it’s likely to be them cheating on you.
“You’re not as clever as you think you are you know….” “I prefer a woman with bigger breasts / white / Christian…” and you have smaller breasts or are not white or are a different religion.
You have a lot of issues.” It becomes an attempt to please the un-pleasable even though in the early stage of the relationship when they’re likely Fast Forwarding you and engaging in a spot of Future Faking that blinds you, it may appear like you can do no wrong.
They know that they have you where they want you when you’re defending yourself instead of seeing this as a code red.
A Chopper wants to cut you down because it builds them up.
Unhappy with themselves and passive aggressively simmering with resentment, anger, and frustration, in their mind you ‘make’ them feel bad about themselves and so in turn, they deliberately say and do things to relieve that feeling, even though you haven’t done anything. They don’t know how to receive love, never mind give it, and they justify their behaviour by believing that they act as they do because you’re not good enough for them to behave better, neglecting to realise that what they’re doing is about their own relationship with themselves and that if you were to do some digging into their past, you would see that they have form for this behaviour and you are just someone else that they’ve stuck their claws (and their axe) into.
I’ve met and read about a number of people who’ve been involved with a ‘Chopper’, someone who finds your ‘hot spots’ or makes them up (yes really) and engages in criticism and mind games to knock you off your centre and chop you down.
They’ll drain you of your confidence, weaken your defences, and bolster their own weak selves by chopping at you to ‘level’ you or even elevate themselves.